Day 2

It's snowing like [funny, yet empathetically sensitive cocaine reference] out here! My Subaru kicks ass in snow but still, I'm working from home so Ryan is picking up dinner stuff.

LUNCH: Sandwich made of garlic-wilted spinach and a Boca chix patty with Vegennaise on multi-grain*. Really good! Kept me sated throughout the day til dinner.

DINNER: Wilted kale with white beans and garlic bread. WE FUCKED UP.
Somehow, someone "rinsed" the kale but it still came out like dirt-leaves. Kale needs goddam water torture before it lets up its gritty secrets.
CONTINGENCY PLAN: Wash out the dirty-ass pan and saute the white beans in fresh garlic. Mash 'em up and shmear them on the baguette that's already toasted with it's vegan butter substitute. Yuck City.

All in all – delicious! We split the loaf into four, one quarter each for dinner and the same for lunch tomorrow, but I was good and full before I finished mine. Didn't stop, though.

I feel that this is the point where good bloggers post their recipes. But if a person's ever cooked a damned thing in their lives, they can probably figure it out from the above description. But here's a quick rundown of the ingredients:

1 bunch kale (unwashed and thrown onto the landlord's porch)
8 cloves garlic (smashed and chopped a little)
Decent olive oil
A dumb baguette
Other stuff

Good luck.





*This bread has honey listed as a "less than 2%" ingredient. Definitely goes against the majority of vegan diets, so allow me to explain my version – Conveganism. I.e., Only vegan when it's convenient. E.g., If I'm at a family event, I won't boast my diet. At a friendly gathering, I won't ask anyone not to put cheese in their recipe. At an Italian restaurant, I'll order a penne marinara without asking if the sauce has chicken stock in it. Et cetera and so on and so forth. I'll never be a "weird vegan" because, technically, I'm not really vegan.

Day 1

We woke up in New York City on New Year's Day after a whole night of poor decisions next to an open bar. Some mannish woman asked Ryan to help her take her selfie because she was too drunk to do it herself. Highlight of the night. On to veganism day 1:

*BRUNCH: Potato, sausage, and Asiago frittata. The Bloody Marys were vegan.

DINNER: For dinner tonight we had severe hangovers. An executive decision decided on sides of General Tso's Chicken and General Tso's Potatoes from Lucky Dragon. Yum City!

I promise we'll get sober and get better at this. Though, I can't promise the former.


*We decided, due to a sauntering lack of sobriety, that the Brave New Plan doesn't start until we hit Connecticut. For the full description, check out my upcoming novella, 40-minute Jerky Train.

I Can't Be a Vegan

The rump cut of it: my girlfriend and I eat poorly. Not fast food, boxed dinners, or any kind of garbage like that, we do very well for amateur epicureans. But at this point, Ryan and I are up to the gills with rich cheeses, cured meats, and copious animal fat, with gravy and demi-glace pouring out of our ears.

It's time for a detox – 30 days a vegan. Shouldn't be a problem. I know how to cook. I'm no professional but I have been paid to mess around in kitchens a few times (paper or liquid currency accepted, FYI). One note on my cooking is that I love rich, saucy, hearty meals. Big breakfasts. Huge casseroles. Every meal for me is a Sunday dinner. And snacks consist of their leftovers, probably wrapped in tortillas with a fried egg on top. So my diet will have to fare the same, sans beeves, eggs, cheese...crap.

This short-term blog is just to document what happens, day-buh-day, what succeeds and who doesn't. Recipes from chefs and friends will be credited where due. Godspeed you ravenous emperor.